I know, you’re all shocked and appalled. Let’s get over it. Because I’m here to give you my top ten favorite things that I miss most about my former neighborhood, the upper west side:

1. The Coffee Bean: This isn’t exactly an NYC-only spot but when we got a location of this west-coast favorite only two blocks from my house, it was overjoyed. Even though it was slightly out of my way, I had no problem popping over in the morning for a chai.
2. Trader Joe’s: Trader Joe’s is the best thing ever invented! I used to hope off the 1 at 72nd street and load up on goodies such as hummus, chicken burritos and frozen berries.
3. YogaWorks: I still go to the Soho location, but there will always be a place in my heart for the Lincoln Center location.
4. McAleer’s: This was our “Cheers” where we regularly came to chow down on pub grub, late night or just to grab a beer after a Sunday afternoon walk in the park. We knew that this was our kind of spot when we stopped in on Derby Day 2011 and they had a special on mint juleps and an Irish bartender. It was love at first, bourbon-y sip.
5. Fred’s: I’ll tell you a secret that Michael would hate: He loves Sangria. And Fred’s, with it’s adorable doggy theme, had some wonderful sangria! The people watching and burgers were pretty great as well.
6. Prohibition: This was where I used to love to go with friends. Sometimes, when there’s a band, things get a little bit crazy, but on a nice Saturday night, if you can grab a spot at the bar, let the good times roll and the people watching commence.
7. Cafe Frida: I’ll admit that I only got to go here once, towards the end of my stay in the UWS, but has I heeded Yelp’s advice and gone sooner, I can assure you I would have been a regular.
8. Central Park: These recent spring days remind me of how nice it was to wander through the park on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Brooklyn definitely has it’s share of parks, but none of them are as close as CP was and so far, none of them stack up to this one.
9. Sarabeth’s: If you don’t know about Sarabeths, it’s high time you educate yourself. This place is hands-down my favorite brunch spot for scrumptious baked goods, delicious sangria and the best darn goat cheese omelt I’ve ever had.
10. Vive le Crepe: I really enjoy very-very-skinny pancakes, especially when they are wrapping a smattering of Nutella into a big, deliciously warm hug. If you’re into Nutella hugging confections, I highly recommend Vive le Crepe – they also have a location downtown.

my man does love his crepes :}

Part of the fat weeks is not having time to produce anything worth reading. Unfortunately, writing really is a muscle that works best when worked out often. Luckily for anyone here or cares, I’ve been Insta-gramin it up. [By the way, do you follow me on Instagram? Because you should, obvs.]

My life over the past few months, in photos:

We’ve eaten our way through the city and the 5 boroughs:

one of the best pizza places in Brooklyn – it’s over 60 years old. the pizzeria, not the pizza.

delicious oysters to go with my bourbon at Char #4 in Carroll Gardens

nutella crepes at Viva Le Crepe on the Upper West Side

cupcakes that the boyfriend’s sisters made for Easter. Yum!

a lamb roast in honor of Greek Easter!

I also did a bit of traveling:

the view from the plane as I landed in NYC

i love the trip up the hudson river to Poughkeepsie – it has to be one of my favorite train rides.

old photos of my beautiful grandparents – look at those lips on my Grandmother! Now we know where i get my love of lip color.

Cheers to another few fat weeks [we have 8 weddings in 2012 so i think that my blogging will be quite light for the rest of the year. boo.]

xo

“I actually attack the concept of happiness. I don’t mind people being happy – but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying ‘write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep’, and ‘cheer up’ and ‘happiness is our birthright’ and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position – it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say ‘Quick! Move on! Cheer up!’ I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word ‘happiness’ and to replace it with the word ‘wholeness’. Ask yourself ‘is this contributing to my wholeness?’ and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”  - Hugh Mackay

Some food for thought as we continue to make ourselves unhappy in our pursuit of happiness.

She says that connection is why we’re here, it’s what we’re about. As humans, we’re wired to search for connection but yet we regularly stand in our own way of making meaningful connections by not allowing ourselves to really be seen by others.

She just participated in another talk about shame. Check that one out here.

“Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language –it’s from the Latin word cor, meaning heart – and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others,because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and — this was the hard part – as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.”

Follow Brene on Twitter, Facebook and her blog.

***

These days, it’s almost looked down upon for a woman to speak softly and
delicately because we should be loud and proud. But there’s an
understated elegance and refinery to being cool, calm and collected.

It’s like Joanie from Mad Men.

She is a delicate badass.

There will always be a balance between minimally flattering light knit
sweaters on Monday and seductive skin-tight skirts on Tuesday, but this
isn’t the fine line we’re walking here. When women are rocking curse
words and bad attitudes like accessories and iPhones, Houston, we’ve got
a problem.

We’ve heard this before. It’s an easy match of the blame game, right? We
can just chalk this up to “the media.” The big, bad reality show stuffed,
partisan infused, stereotyped to death beast that bears the world’s
problems on its back.

It’s his fault.

And surely we can stick the rapidly evolving state of media and technology
with a piece of the blame pie, but we can’t shove it all there.

So, who’s left?

You

And Me.

That’s right. Ultimately, it is up to you and it is up to me.

Personal accountability.

We’ve let that sucker slide through the cracks all too often as of late. Well,
watch out, I’ve got my steel-toed boots on and I’m dragging that dirty little
bitch back into the limelight.

Yes, modern women and men growing up in this often-atrocious corporate
media landscape are overexposed to rudeness and obnoxiousness. But
when did we become mindless zombies without a well-articulated opinion
or action to call our own?

I am not advocating a country-wide speaking volume reduction. (Although,
we’d all very likely benefit from one.)

Nor am I advocating an overanalyzed, elongated, fluff word buzz word
trend word filled conversation.

I’m simply recommending that we take time for the Kitten Heel Moment.

Soak it in.

Kitten.

Heel.

Moment.

The Kitten Heel Moment or KHM is the fine moment of silence when
someone has presented a thought to you and is awaiting your reaction.

Again, think back to Joanie and her expertly crafted and exquisitely timed
interactions. Kitten Heel Moments. Peppered everywhere.

It’s a very special moment when a woman, or man, pauses to actually think
about what she or he wants to say and then, after conscious reflection,
speaks accordingly.

That one or two second delicate, so lovely moment taken to consider a
reaction has largely disappeared in our society and such has left us with a
harsher, more intense and quite honestly, less pleasant world.

Let’s bring it back. Let’s infuse some good ol’ care into our daily lives.

Not too much though. We don’t want to shock the world.

Just

A

Sliver.

Perhaps, the same size sliver of the blame pie that so neatly hosts your
name on its beautiful baked body.

Now, before commenting below and before answering the question that
just caressed your ears, take a moment, a Kitten Heel Moment, and
consider what’s about to sing from your lips.

Nicely done.

Just

Purrfect.

***

Rachel Wells is a publicist living in Manhattan. She lives in a corner of the universe where design, hip hop, social good and arts education connect. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook. Interested in taking over the world? Email her at sayhellotorachel [at] gmail [dot] com.

I scurried out of the bank and crossed the street. My mind was racing, trying to form a somewhat manageable budget until my next paycheck. Amidst this mental financial planning, I encountered man – clearly disabled as he was leaning heavily on a walker – waving a piece of paper and mumbling something I couldn’t hear. Thinking that perhaps he was looking for directions, I stopped. His story went as follows: “I have cancer, looking to get to Mount Sinai for chemo, only have $8.”  He was asking for money. Because of my new found lack of funds, I quickly told him that I didn’t have any cash and walked briskly towards my apartment.

About seven steps down the block, a knot began to form in my stomach. I knew I should be helping the man.  I stopped to check how far it was from my corner to the hospital – I would figure out the cab fare and then hail the man a cab and pay that exact amount. By the time I figured out the distance and the exact amount of cash he would need to get there, a nice couple was helping the man into the cab and handing the driver a $20 for the trip.

Two steps later, I burst into tears. I had had the opportunity to help someone who was actually in need and, consumed with my own issues, I had acted rudely and selfishly.

Some reading this may have the same reaction my boyfriend did: “well, you can’t help everyone. Have to worry about yourself!” And as I’ve noted before, I believe in select acts of selfishness.

I am also a fan of random acts of kindness. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, noted that there is actual scientific studies that show that random acts of kindness not only raise your serotonin levels, they also raise the serotonin levels of those around you – regardless of the size of the act of kindness.

I’m not an advocate for letting others habitually walk all over you. Quite the contrary, I’m a huge fan of standing up for yourself as needed and taking care of yourself so that you can have the energy to help others. In fact, living in NYC often makes me wonder if I’m developing a hard edge to my personality. That’s born out of nervousness over showing any sort of vulnerability. In the big bad world of over 8 million people, vulnerable equates to weak and surely there’s something Darwinian about living in 450 sq feet and riding a smelly train to a thankless job each day.

What keeps me going and encourages me to help strangers are the small kindnesses I’ve been shown by complete strangers. Those little actions – someone giving me a seat when I had a ton of packages with me, a girl who stopped to see if I was ok when I was crying on a corner in Columbus Circle over Christmas time or someone simply holding a door open for me – these tokens turned my day around and gave me a generally brighter view of my situation for that moment and the thought of being able to impart such a huge shift in POV to a stranger with just a small gesture is my motivation.

The thing is, even when I have been taken advantage of, I don’t feel nearly as bad as the times in which I’ve had the opportunity to help someone in need and failed to do so. Not doing the right thing always makes me feel like a jerk. Doing the right thing always makes me feel good.

for serotonin’s sake: what is one small gesture you’ve made for a complete stranger?